Your face is a jimmy john
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
