HIV tests are more positive than that guy
we have officially lost it.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
