dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
