mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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