i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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