just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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