also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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