dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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