how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
