yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
