sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I deserve this hangover.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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