And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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