In America we eat man semen.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
