Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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