This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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