DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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