i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
