I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
