she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
