see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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