Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
