Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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