That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
