No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
