I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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