She is in my trunk
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
