yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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