dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
God I need to hump something, right now.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
