this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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