I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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