id be glad to
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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