i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
