Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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