Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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