he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
