Nicole vs. Life
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Girls should come with a carfax report
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
