The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
