I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
