your room smells of hookers.
And success
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
