just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
