haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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