Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
