Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
