I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Never underestimate the power of titties
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
