so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
