Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
