If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
