i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
