We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
