there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
