she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
