it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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