Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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