no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
