used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
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I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
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The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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