she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
