Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
