you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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