yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
