I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
