so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
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I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
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Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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