Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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